Journey to Parenthood after stillbirth & Recurrent Miscarriage
"She stood in the storm and when the wind didn't blow her away, she adjusted her sails" -Elizabeth Edwards
My name is Amanda (aka Mandy), and I'm married to Nathan. On December 19, 2012, we experienced the storm of our life that has forever changed us, the birth and death of our son, Ethan. Ethan was stillborn (born with no heartbeat) at 22 weeks 5 days gestation.
I had been admitted into the hospital a week earlier because I was in preterm labor, and was suffering from a pregnancy complication called Incompetent cervix (aka weakened cervix). Steps were taken to save my son. I had a surgical procedure called a cerclage to stich my cervix closed. The cerclage held perfectly. However, my water broke shortly after the procedure. This lead me to develop an infection in my uterus. The infection killed Ethan, and was threatening my life. So, my labor was induced, and I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy.
Ethan's death was the worst day of my life. I couldn't in that moment, and still can't imagine anything more devastating than experiencing the loss of your child. I had experienced the death of my father to lung cancer just 3 years before losing Ethan, and it was so difficult to endure. However, it pales in comparison to experiencing the death of your child. The death of your child goes against the natural order of things, and is very hard to accept. All I could do in the few short hours and days after losing Ethan was keep reminding myself to keep breathing. Every breath hurt, and I felt that a piece of myself died right along side him.
In the months following his passing, Nathan and I began the painful process of grieving and healing. We also put all of our energy into meeting with our MFM (high risk OB) to try to figure out why my cervix had weakened, and how to prevent it from happening again with future pregnancies. I had ultrasounds done and a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), an X-ray with contrast dye that is injected into the uterus to examine the shape of the uterus, and check for blockages of the fallopian tubes. The ultrasounds and HSG revealed I had an arcuate uterus (slightly heart shaped). This slightly heart shaped uterus most likely contributed to my weak cervix. We talked about our plan of prevention for future pregnancies which includes: a preventive cerclage placed between 13-14 weeks (before the cervix ever weakens or dilates), weekly progesterone shots starting at 14 weeks, strict bed rest to begin at 14 weeks, and close monitoring.
We were devastated, but we were determined to have an earthly child. We began to start trying for our Rainbow Baby (baby born after a pregnancy loss). Four months after we lost Ethan, we discovered we were pregnant again. We were overjoyed, and prayed that this baby would make it. I contacted my regular OB and MFM (high risk OB), and we began close monitoring. Sadly, I miscarried our baby at 5 weeks gestation. My OB said, "It was terribly unfair that we had to experience more loss, but sadly miscarriages are all too common. We were told to take about 1-2 months to allow my body to heal, and at that point we could try again.
Three months after our miscarriage, we were pregnant again. However, this time I knew something was wrong right away. The line on my pregnancy test was very hard to see, and never got much darker. A blood pregnancy test revealed that my pregnancy hormone (HCG) was barely present. I ended up having what is referred to as a chemical pregnancy. It was over as quickly as it started.
We decided to move forward, and try again. This time around we weren't getting pregnant at all. Turns out there was a reason for that. I found out that I have a Postpartum Thyroid condition. My thyroid dysfunction could be blamed for us not getting pregnant. I found an Endocrinologist to work with who was able to stabilize my thyroid. Once my thyroid was stable, we immediately got pregnant. We were so excited, and we thought the worst was behind us. We were thinking this was going to be our Rainbow Baby. Well, sadly my pregnancy wasn't progressing normally. My pregnancy hormone (HCG) was very low and slow rising. At 7 weeks gestation, we saw a very small gestational sac, but no baby. At 8 weeks we saw two gestational sacs, but no babies, and at 8 weeks 5 days we saw three gestational sacs, but once again no babies. I started miscarrying the very next day. My miscarriage with my triplets was confirmed at 9 weeks gestation. It was at this point, I was told to see our RE for recurrent miscarriage.
My name is Amanda (aka Mandy), and I'm married to Nathan. On December 19, 2012, we experienced the storm of our life that has forever changed us, the birth and death of our son, Ethan. Ethan was stillborn (born with no heartbeat) at 22 weeks 5 days gestation.
I had been admitted into the hospital a week earlier because I was in preterm labor, and was suffering from a pregnancy complication called Incompetent cervix (aka weakened cervix). Steps were taken to save my son. I had a surgical procedure called a cerclage to stich my cervix closed. The cerclage held perfectly. However, my water broke shortly after the procedure. This lead me to develop an infection in my uterus. The infection killed Ethan, and was threatening my life. So, my labor was induced, and I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy.
Ethan's death was the worst day of my life. I couldn't in that moment, and still can't imagine anything more devastating than experiencing the loss of your child. I had experienced the death of my father to lung cancer just 3 years before losing Ethan, and it was so difficult to endure. However, it pales in comparison to experiencing the death of your child. The death of your child goes against the natural order of things, and is very hard to accept. All I could do in the few short hours and days after losing Ethan was keep reminding myself to keep breathing. Every breath hurt, and I felt that a piece of myself died right along side him.
In the months following his passing, Nathan and I began the painful process of grieving and healing. We also put all of our energy into meeting with our MFM (high risk OB) to try to figure out why my cervix had weakened, and how to prevent it from happening again with future pregnancies. I had ultrasounds done and a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), an X-ray with contrast dye that is injected into the uterus to examine the shape of the uterus, and check for blockages of the fallopian tubes. The ultrasounds and HSG revealed I had an arcuate uterus (slightly heart shaped). This slightly heart shaped uterus most likely contributed to my weak cervix. We talked about our plan of prevention for future pregnancies which includes: a preventive cerclage placed between 13-14 weeks (before the cervix ever weakens or dilates), weekly progesterone shots starting at 14 weeks, strict bed rest to begin at 14 weeks, and close monitoring.
We were devastated, but we were determined to have an earthly child. We began to start trying for our Rainbow Baby (baby born after a pregnancy loss). Four months after we lost Ethan, we discovered we were pregnant again. We were overjoyed, and prayed that this baby would make it. I contacted my regular OB and MFM (high risk OB), and we began close monitoring. Sadly, I miscarried our baby at 5 weeks gestation. My OB said, "It was terribly unfair that we had to experience more loss, but sadly miscarriages are all too common. We were told to take about 1-2 months to allow my body to heal, and at that point we could try again.
Three months after our miscarriage, we were pregnant again. However, this time I knew something was wrong right away. The line on my pregnancy test was very hard to see, and never got much darker. A blood pregnancy test revealed that my pregnancy hormone (HCG) was barely present. I ended up having what is referred to as a chemical pregnancy. It was over as quickly as it started.
We decided to move forward, and try again. This time around we weren't getting pregnant at all. Turns out there was a reason for that. I found out that I have a Postpartum Thyroid condition. My thyroid dysfunction could be blamed for us not getting pregnant. I found an Endocrinologist to work with who was able to stabilize my thyroid. Once my thyroid was stable, we immediately got pregnant. We were so excited, and we thought the worst was behind us. We were thinking this was going to be our Rainbow Baby. Well, sadly my pregnancy wasn't progressing normally. My pregnancy hormone (HCG) was very low and slow rising. At 7 weeks gestation, we saw a very small gestational sac, but no baby. At 8 weeks we saw two gestational sacs, but no babies, and at 8 weeks 5 days we saw three gestational sacs, but once again no babies. I started miscarrying the very next day. My miscarriage with my triplets was confirmed at 9 weeks gestation. It was at this point, I was told to see our RE for recurrent miscarriage.